Talk of Peace

This past week me and my two youngest children took a road trip to the midwest to take part in my cousins's wedding and my grandma's funeral. While surrounded by family members on every side it's not always easy to get the chance for private, personal conversation. Except for with one particular aunt who has a knack for asking the questions that others avoid, and easily delving into deep and psychoanalytical conversations. I always liked her for that and when I was younger I liked to hang around her in hopes that I could take part in a conversation about things that actually mattered, rather than spend hours at exhausting small-talk.

However, a few years ago when I came out I found myself hoping against hope she wouldn't call. She herself had been married to a man who came out gay. He turned out to be a truly horrible person who left a wake of destruction and pain as he passed through her and their children's lives. When the phone rang and I finally did hear her voice on the other end of the phone, it didn't take long for me to realize that she wasn't calling about me, but she was calling about her. She was telling me how angry she was, how much pain she was in, how devastated her children still were from the pain their father had inflicted on them.... There was nothing I could say to soothe her wounds. When I told her I was finally at peace, her honey-sweet voice didn't match her words: "I don't give a damn." And I still knew it wasn't about me.

That was the last probing conversation I'd had with her before this weekend. I don't know what has changed in the past three years for her, but it quickly became obvious that she'd experienced a sort of forgiveness, that she'd let go of her anger, and that she'd even come to a point of reconciliation. When she quickly began asking the personal and probing questions, there was nothing in her tone or her manner that sent up red flags. What I found there was instead understanding, compassion, a heart-felt desire for wholeness for me, for herself, for anyone on either side of this situation that we have in common. What started as a simple chat about family dynamics turned into a five-hour long discussion that lasted until 2 in the morning. We asked questions, we exchanged viewpoints and experiences, we shared our hearts without the slightest bit of defensiveness or judgmentalism. It was an amazing time of healing and bonding for both of us. It felt like one of those things that was meant to be.

I'm so thankful for the blessing of her in my life.